


he literally has a harem of like 72 demons, you know? that’s gotta mean something

by badabab



Category: Shall We Date?: Obey Me!
Genre: Ambiguous Relationships, Crack, F/M, Gen, M/M, No beta we die like lilith, cute girls in obey me when???, making the content i wanna see, only tagged the bigger ones but everyone appears really, probably OOC everyone
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-13
Updated: 2020-12-13
Packaged: 2021-03-10 22:34:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,309
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28054740
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/badabab/pseuds/badabab
Summary: Or in which Yuki tries to find out just how Solomon, a fellow human, managed to snag 4th in the popularity poll from a bit back and really, she is so good at making bad life choices and also so good at finding new dangerous boys to swoon over.
Relationships: Main Character (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!) & Everyone, Main Character (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!)/Everyone, Solomon/Everyone (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!)
Comments: 8
Kudos: 20





	he literally has a harem of like 72 demons, you know? that’s gotta mean something

**Author's Note:**

> i... don't actually really play or am that fond of obey me, so look out for that (and by that i mean everyone's probably ooc and nothing is canon-compliant). but you'd be surprised how far a degenerate of a friend, i mean, uhh, a friend who really really really likes the game + some research can get you. i just thought solomon was interesting was all, and uh, that somehow turned into this mess of a rairpair(rareharem?) crack thingie
> 
> 12/15/20 - changed up the summary a little, and made some little edits to make things smoother is all.

1.

“Do you guys remember the popularity poll from a little while back?” Yuki brings up at dinner one day.

Mammon very notably huffs and looks away, while Levi sniggers on. “Yeah,” he says, “and didn’t Mammon got disqualified for cheating LOL?”

Three separate people at the table cringe at the spoken “LOL”, Yuki included, but she has to admit it’s kinda cute. Most of Levi’s quirks are, really. Like his favorite Ruri-chan body pillow! The idea itself is mildly disturbing, but in real life, it’s also kinda cute! A good face happens to go a long way in stuff like that.

… The cosplay Yuki had forced herself through for his birthday was, err, less so, but really, the less that matter was discussed the better. Really.

“Shut up,” Mammon hisses, arms crossed over his chest. It’s almost like he’s asking to be bullied, Yuki thinks distantly, except he doesn’t look very happy when Satan starts firing off pointed comments, Lucifer butting in once or twice too.

“Well,” Yuki says, raising her voice so as to penetrate the miscellaneous noises of immaturity, “I was just wondering how Solomon managed to get fourth.”

At this, the table stops harassing Mammon and turns to blink at her.

“Huh,” Levi says. “That’s… actually a pretty good question.”

“Were none of you curious?” Yuki presses. “Or is there just something that I didn’t know or what?”

“Well,” Asmo offers, “Solomon _is_ very, very handsome.”

No denial of any sort is made to that statement except for Mammon’s little “but not as much as me!” that is for the most part ignored by everyone and everything but Yuki’s hand reaching out to pet him indulgently.

“That can’t just be it,” Yuki says. “I mean… I’d argue that there are plenty of other handsome guys at RAD.”

She doesn’t try to bring up how it feels like girls don’t exist in the Devildom, though her mind certainly flashes to the topic for a moment. Seriously… Just to be clear, Yuki’s straight, but it definitely wouldn’t hurt to see at least a few (3D, sorry Levi) cute girls around!

“Like me?” Mammon asks.

“Yes sweetie, like you,” Yuki replies absentmindedly, not bothering to pay attention to whatever cute tsundere routine he’s on now. It’s probably adorable, but it’s also probably the same stuff he goes on about twelve hours a day, so.

“He’s smart, too,” Satan admits begrudgingly from the side, the others nodding along in agreement.

“And good with his hands!” Levi adds. “… But not in a weird way!” he amends after a few glances tossed his way. “Look, he’s just really good at PvP games, okay?”

Silence settles awkwardly over the table for an uncomfortable amount of time, before Yuki’s equally awkward clearing of her throat kicks the conversation back into starting.

“It’s just that Solomon quality about him,” Asmo breathes dreamily in that way he only does when he’s talking about Solomon. Or skincare products. Mainly skincare products. “You can’t help but like him, whether you’re a demon, a human, or even an angel.”

“I think he’s kinda sketchy to be honest,” Yuki responds thoughtfully.

“But you still like him, don’t you?”

“Well, I’d probably like him more if my brain didn’t automatically jump to how to decline crack cocaine every time he calls out my name.”

2.

Asmo isn’t the most reliable source as far as the topic of Solomon goes. Or anything else, to be honest. Even if it’s for beauty products, Yuki always takes his opinion with a grain of salt because he’s a literal demon and Yuki’s a literal not.

Urghk, she’d been lucky that time with the onsen, making sure that the water had been at a human-friendly temperature, but it had still been a seriously close call…

Anyways, long story short, Yuki’s not quite sure if Asmo’s “that Solomon quality” really explains just how Solomon got so popular when Yuki is either avoided because of the brothers or attacked because she’s a human.

It’s kinda super unfair, but whatever. Yuki’s not bitter or jealous or salty or anything. Like, at all.

Look, Asmo’s biased is all. He really, really likes Solomon. Like… fangirl-level like. Like. Levi to Ruri-chan level like. It’s not like Yuki’s insecure or anything because she knows that the demon likes her too, but sometimes she thinks that he probably doesn’t gush about Yuki to Solomon the way he gushes about Solomon to her.

Really, Yuki did not need to know about that “amazing thing” that Solomon could do with his tongue. Not second-hand from Asmo, anyways.

So Yuki decides to go to Barbatos instead, who she knows actually hangs around with Solomon quite a bit despite his busy schedule. Yuki herself doesn’t get to see the remarkably good cook that often, but they have quite a friendly relationship. She hopes.

… Well, even if not, Yuki can still at least enjoy the scenery. Seriously, what was up with demons and looking hot? Now, if only there were some pretty girls to enjoy as well…

“Yuki,” a voice says, breaking Yuki out of your thoughts. “I’m sorry to have made you wait.”

It’s Barbatos of course, and the thought that Barbatos had seen Yuki in such a distracted state only makes her flush a slightly sheepish red. “Aah, no, please don’t worry,” Yuki tells him hurriedly, “I know you’re busy and all.”

The man(demon? Can demons still be called “men”?) smiles gently, both soothing Yuki’s embarrassment and making her go even redder.

“I just wanted to talk to you about Solomon is all,” Yuki continues, hand reaching up to pull at her hair some, “since I see you two together a lot. And, well, I don’t really trust Asmo to be unbiased when it comes to him.”

Barbatos chuckles, and wow, is Yuki’s face ever going to return back to normal? “I don’t think you can trust anyone to be unbiased when it comes to Solomon, to be honest,” he confesses, “Pretty much everyone has strong feelings about him, even animals. Whether it’s positive or negative of course, depends… but it’s usually positive. Now please, sit.”

Yuki sinks into an armchair not-so-gracefully, Barbatos’ simple action of sitting looking much more elegant in return, much to his amusement. Yuki huffs and pouts a little before Barbatos’ words finally catch up to him.

“Huh,” Yuki says, “Is that so? And I’m assuming you feel positive about him, right? Since you’re friends and all?”

“Oh,” Barbatos blinks, hands pausing in the pouring of his tea, “Has nobody told you yet? Solomon and I are actually pacted.”

“Oh,” Yuki blinks, hand pausing in their chaotic waving, “No, nobody’s told me yet. I thought it was only him and Asmo…”

Barbatos hums, and with a fluid motion finishes pouring the tea, offering a cup to Yuki, of which she gratefully takes. “You know, Solomon’s actually made pacts with seventy-two demons. Or, well, officially with anyways. Asmodeus and I aren’t the only high ranking ones among them, too, though here in the Devildom we probably are the most powerful position-wise.”

“Woah,” Yuki says, suddenly feeling slightly overwhelmed. “And here I thought seven was a lot.”

“It is,” Barbatos agrees, “Seventy-two’s just even more is all. The most any human has ever made, as a matter of fact.”

“I didn’t realize Solomon was that big a deal.”

“He looks deceptively weak, doesn’t he? When you don’t look at his face that is.”

Yuki giggles at the mischievous expression that cuts across Barbatos’ face, an expression she hasn’t seen before. “You’re probably right about that. He’s skinny and not too tall, but his expression is always a little smug, and that’s coming from someone who has to deal with the brothers all day. Ah, but I mainly came here to ask why Solomon was so popular, even among demons.”

Barbatos doesn’t look taken aback by the question at all, and only lets his sly smile shift back into his normal gentlemanly one. “It’s probably everything about him,” Barbatos admits, the answer awfully Asmodeus-esque. “Well, I’m biased though, of course. I truly believe that Solomon is amazing, not just by human standards, but by my demon ones too.”

“Huh,” Yuki says, because what else is she supposed to say when someone she only knows kinda well and is mildly attracted to starts spouting about how amazing some other dude that she only kinda really thinks is objectively sketchy in front of her?

“But more objectively speaking, Solomon just has many qualities that are appealing to most demons. He’s powerful, handsome, and clever. How do I say this… You human have a saying, don’t you? Let’s just say that Solomon’s something akin to, err, every demon’s ‘wet dream’ is all.”

He must’ve timed his last bit to match up with when Yuki’s mouth is full from the tea, because Yuki chokes and the demon simply continues smiling pleasantly and drinking his tea.

3.

_asmo <_

_> yes dear<3?_

_you know how i like to reward everyone after a successful dance battle? <_

_> oh, you mean your excuse to feel them up?_

_shut!!!!! <_

_anyways do you know what solomon likes??? <_

_he’s surprisingly good at dancing btw <_

_> hehe, isn’t he? my solomon’s good at everything~ and he always looks good doing it too!_

_> anyways, he’s a slut for chest taps so_

_> have at it ;)_

_k thx <3 <_

_> anytime babe<333 be sure to tell me if anything exciting happens~_

“If you’re asking Asmodeus where Solomon likes to be pet,” Satan calls out from a few meters off, wiping at his forehead with a napkin, “The chest’ll usually do it.”

“It’s true,” Solomon says cheerily, “Asmo’d probably say that I’m ‘a slut for chest taps’ which , to be fair, isn’t too far off the mark.”

“How would you even know that,” Belphegor asks Satan, hand reaching up to cover his yawn. “Actually, no, I don’t want to know.”

Yuki doesn’t know whether or not to feel jealous or even who to feel jealous of at this point, so she just pats at Solomon’s chest a few times. Then asks to copy his law homework.

He says no.

The system works.

4.

“So,” Yuki says, collapsed in Satan’s bed after a rigorous tutoring section that has her feeling sore in all the inappropriate places for all the innocent school-related reasons, “I didn’t realize you and Solomon were so close.”

The demon hums, working his way through his stack of books as he shelves them one by one. “He’s a good conversation partner,” he offers, “Though of course, I greatly enjoy my conversations with you as well.” He smiles handsomely.

The Yuki of a few months ago probably would’ve turned bright red and died or something, but the Yuki of now only turns kinda red and lives, luckily for her.

“We share a lot of the same taste in literature,” the blond continues, “though I suspect that really, he enjoys everything and just pretends to enjoy what I like more. I don’t mind that, though. And he’s very well versed in topics of all sorts, human or otherwise.”

Yuki tries to pretend like she can’t see the pointed glance towards her crumpled up Devil Lit. paper now in the trash, but considering his amused little chuckle it doesn’t work as well as she had hoped it did.

“Well,” Yuki huffs indignantly, arms crossing over her chest in a way awful similar to Mammon’s, “I wouldn’t know because he always refuses to help me.”

“He’ll probably let you copy your homework if you give him something in return,” Satan says casually, “though I wouldn’t recommend it personally,” the bed sinks as he adds his sitting weight onto it, “since that kinda stuff usually just ends in him getting a new devotee.”

“That’s… remarkably cult-sounding.” Yuki tells him, only kind of ignoring his advice to consider what she could give Solomon so that he’d let her have at it with his homework.

Satan scoffs, though not unkindly. “You should see what happens on his birthday,” he tells Yuki, sounding somewhere between smug, whiny, and disgusted. “Some large, incredibly-expensive-to-rent place gets taken over by his pacted demons and he comes out of it with presents worth more than half the demons in the Devildom combined.”

“Really?”

“No, not really. Sometimes not all of them show up.”

Yuki reaches into her shirt pocket to check at her own wallet, depressingly empty as always. “You think he’d loan me some money?” she asks, squinting at the lack of both human and Devildom currency.

“Only if you gave him your soul,” Satan informs her cheerily, or at least as cheerily as the Avatar of Wrath gets, “and you’d be surprised how many demons there are out there that are perfectly happy to do it.”

“Are you one of them?”

“Hm, only if his plans include overthrowing Lucifer, probably. Which now that I’m thinking about it… His plans probably include overthrowing everyone. Well, either that or just sitting back and laughing like a good-for-nothing idiot for the rest of eternity anyways.”

5.

“What do you two think of Solomon then?” Yuki finds herself asking Beel and Belphegor one day.

“He’s sketchy as fuck,” Belphegor says, and wow, finally, a fellow comrade that gets the drug dealer vibes!“But he’s okay, I guess. We’ve had an interesting nap or two.”

Yuki doesn’t even want to know.

“His food is really, really bad,” Beel says, eyes darkening at the mere thought before suddenly brightening up again. “But he probably tastes really good!”

“Yeah,” Belphegor agrees, “Like, best-human-ever good. Well, it’s either that or he tastes completely disgusting, but either way it’d probably be an experience.”

“Aw man,” Beel groans, “Now I’m hungry…”

Yuki hands him a lollipop wordlessly and tries not to think about the fact that she just heard two demons discussing whether or not a human would taste best-human-ever-good or not, which is something she’s gotten awful good at lately.

Yup. These are the life skills school is preparing for her. Fantastic.

“Anyways,” Beel says around his lollipop, “he has good taste in food and lots of money and he isn’t mean to me so I think he’s pretty cool. Small, though. And skinny. Well, he’s still actually surprisingly strong under all that paleness...” and with that last bit, the twins exchange glances.

… Yuki kinda wants to know.

But in the end, she just settles for laying down diagonally across Beel’s torso and tries not to think about her own lovehandles.

Seriously though. Yuki loves herself and all, but Beel’s abs really make her doubt sometimes.

6.

“How’s living with Solomon like?” Yuki asks Simeon the following day before class starts. “the House of Lamentation is always super chaotic, but it’s probably calmer over on your side, yeah?”

“Yeah,” Simeon agrees, eyes crinkling in amusement, probably at the thought of Yuki’s suffering. Good-looking meanie. “Well, it still is fairly chaotic though. Luke likes to make a lotta trouble, and Solomon’s companions get loud sometimes too.”

“And what are these, uh, ‘companions’ of his like? You mean the demons he’s pacted to, right?”

“Right,” Simeon nods. “They’re… all over the place. In appearance, personality, age, everything really. Except for their devotion to Solomon, that is. You know, most of his demons actually wanted to make a pact with him- your pacts are unique in that way too. Most pacts are made out of reluctance.”

“Like Mammon and those witches?”

“Like Mammon and those witches.”

“I’m glad my pacts were all consensual. I don’t think I’d want to force anyone into something like that…” Yuki’s nose crinkles in distaste, a bad habit her friends had always bullied her for. And now her nose has marks on it, but whatever. It’s fine. It’s fine.

Simeon smiles, gentle and heart-throbbingly pretty, “You’re different though. Special.”

“Not as much as Solomon, apparently.”

“Well, not many people are.” Simeon says kindly. “And in the first place, I don’t think any of the three realms would be able to handle two Solomons…”

“Huh,” Yuki blinks, “That’s right! The Celestial Realm! Is Solomon as popular up there as he is down here?”

“Angels in general feel like they’re above humans for the most part,” Simeon admits, “but… I don’t think that about you.” _Ba-dump._ “As for Solomon, though… Well, let’s just say that making pacts with seventy-two demons isn’t really a great thing to do when you’re trying to cozy up with the Celestial Realm, but he has the favor of a few higher-ups and he’s generally known as a wise scholar so yeah, he’s pretty well liked.”

“A wise scholar,” Yuki repeats, slightly dumbfounded. She’s always known that he’s something of a respected nerd like that, but somehow, it’s kinda hard to link Solomon to “wise scholar respected by angels” when Yuki already links him to drug dealing (though not for any actual drug-dealing-related reasons).

… Sorry Solomon.

“Well… I hate to admit it, but he is something special alright,” another voice cuts in, childish in tone. It’s, of course, none other than Luke himself, looking mildly irritated as always, probably from a few wayward chihuahua comments. As always. “I… Didn’t think it was actually possible for a human to achieve what he’s done before I met Solomon for real. I always thought everyone exaggerated back up there. Well, I thought the same thing about Faust too though… ”

“They definitely did,” Simeon agrees, “But Solomon’s achievements, even without all the exaggerations, are something extraordinary alright.”  
“Well,” the dark-skinned angel amends, shooting a fond look at Yuki, “You are too,” and suddenly Yuki’s heart is going a-ba-dump because woah, is this love or something because seriously-

“Except you need to fight dance battles to survive in the Devildom and he has seventy-two demons and quite a few others ready to protect him at any moment. And magic,” Luke adds, the statement probably meaner than he intended.

… Thanks Luke. Way to ruin the mood.

7.

“Asmo,” Yuki says, pushing through the door carelessly, “Would you happen to have any-”

And the demon’s straddling Solomon on the bed, the mildly disturbing (but still pretty) picture of doesn’t-lock-his-door-when-he-needs-to.

“Care to join us?” Solomon asks, sly and all too okay with the situation.

Yuki leaves, ignoring Asmo’s pout and delighted little giggle.

Her face isn’t red.

Shut up.

8.

“Diavolo,” Yuki brings up a few days later, spinning in her spinny-chair and shooting an apologetic glance Lucifer’s way in response to his glare. “Sorry, I mean, uh, Lord Diavolo. I was wondering how you felt about Solomon?”

“I’ve just been waiting for you to get around to asking me that!” The prince chirps cheerily, hand still moving across a stack of paperwork as he grins at Yuki.

And now Yuki feels bad for complaining about her own homework, but whatever, that’s irrelevant.

“Solomon’s great,” Diavolo continues, pen still moving at breakneck speeds, “Super fun to have around. It’s why we chose him to come down here, you know?”

“I still think choosing another regular human like Yuki would’ve been better,” Lucifer says, clearly annoyed, “More authentic. And less irritating.” The smile he shoots her way makes her heart go a-ba-thump, but his words somehow don’t fit that sort of atmosphere.

“Oh come on Lucifer,” Diavolo says in that way that literally nobody else in the Devildom would dare even consider, “Don’t be like that. I think he’s perfect here! He’s very well-liked, you know? Talking with him is like playing with my worst enemies, but with less potential fatalities! Probably. And not to mention, it’d be a little troublesome if he didn’t like us, wouldn’t it? I’d hate to lose an artist as talented as Dantalion or something.”

Lucifer puts his head in his hands as Diavolo carries on beaming happily and doing his paperwork, looking like the epitome of suffering.

Yuki knows when to stop pushing, and so she spins.

**Author's Note:**

> ok i know i said i don't really play obey me BUT funny story: so i was told they were giving out 100 free pulls to newbies now, so i went in because i'm a gambling addict, and no 100 free pulls:( but each newbie does get 10, so i threw myself into reroll hell as to avoid studying for finals and came out with a ur+ and 3 ssrs on the free multi a few rerolls later and uhhhh i thought it'd be a waste if i left the acc alone so now i just log in twice a day and don't really do much (but i do now have 3 ur+ including the free asmo so yay)
> 
> i may not be super passionate about demon boys but if you have anything to say please do still leave a comment! it really super makes my day:D and if there's any nice solomon-centric content out there i think he really is an interesting character so please point me on over!


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